never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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