forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
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