Capitaan dildo arrescate!
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Randomize
