I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
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