You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
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