you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Randomize
