I should be sponsored by Trojan
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Randomize
