6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
