I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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