Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
