why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
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