The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Randomize
