Need sex. Gaining weight.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
