Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
