Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
