dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
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