is your mom at the bar?
I must be too annoying 4 u.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
