Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
