I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Green mimosas i think yes
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
