my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
I have fence marks all over my body
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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