I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Randomize
