More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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