how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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