Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
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