It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize
