Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
