and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
