shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize
