one two three fourrrrnication!
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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