Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I need a beard to bite.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
