He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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