Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
do herpes really smell.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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