i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
FUCK WHALES
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
