dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
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