If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
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