Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
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