Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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