I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Randomize
