If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
