dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
Michael Bay diarrhea
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
