just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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