I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
We had sex on a dog bed..
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
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