we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
