Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
