I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
where am i from again
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
