I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
I want her autograph on my taint
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Randomize
