And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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