Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
