The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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