I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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