He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
