I cannot find my penis.
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Randomize