these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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