i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
