i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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