Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Randomize
