Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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