Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
