4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
