I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
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