so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
