so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
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