it wasn't lemon gatorade
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
