I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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