you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Randomize
