I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Randomize
