Taylor Swift is so right about you.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
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