i wish there were pregnant emoticons
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
