Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Randomize