I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
