it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
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