I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I have feelings that need drinking.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
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