walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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