Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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